It was an interesting kind of love.
I could never understand it quite frankly.

I couldn’t get a grip on the cause or effect,
just infatuated with the expressions that arise.
I couldn’t help but to smile from just the thought of it.
Who was I to be deemed with such a gift?
As if God  had given me many unfortunate rifts
but let me play my story in my own key. As if he riddled me
with imperfections but gave me a source of happiness
that would never leave. I didn’t deserve it but I couldn’t let go.
I held on, so strongly. So tightly.
You had me captured well before the first hello.
I needed you. I need you. Every moment apart making me anxious.
Sounds of the ink splatters lullaby my soul,
as my thoughts empty onto the canvas.
Love, what will I do without you? Really, why me?
I know I don’t deserve you, but sometimes the undeserving get lucky.
So as you comfort me in my darkest moments I appreciate you.
Every struggle you helped me though. All the tears I shed with you.
Not giving up on me just yet. All the daybreaks we saw turn to sunsets.
I am thankful that you were there for me.
Unknowingly doing things to help.
Silently bringing me serenity, clarity and sanity.
Trusting me more than I trust myself.

Thank you.

As if I knew. As if I’d no.
But If I had, would I have said know?
No, probably knot.
I still would’ve went.
Now my hearts in a not
& my loves all spent.
My change on the floor,
my receipt on the side,
I attempt to collect the
peaces of my min’.

Consider for a minute
How our lives could be different
If your time wasn’t timid
All those lies you been living
Living like there are no limits
But my love is just a snippet
Of a story that’s un-mimicked
Could be the one, please just admit it

Consider for a second
I surpass all you’re expecting
Your commitments weren’t so reckless
My heart and soul more impressive
More impressive then when I’m spreading
Lustful passion as a weapon
But add your heart to that investment
Real true loves not just a legend

Consider for an instant
Having something that’s consistent
Untold truths turn non-existent
Happiness that’s all dependent
Dependent on this contingent
Apprehensions cause resistance
With a past that’s been forgiven
Let optimism close the distance

Consider for a moment
All that baggage you been holdin’
No longer heavy on your shoulders
Mouth filled with nothing but condolence
Condolence to the opponents
The competitions all long folded
This kind of love is well worth knowing

So let your heart gladly be stolen

Consider it.

So I dabble in this writing stuff, as I’m sure you can tell.

Over the past three years I’ve went back and forth about what’s right for me in life, love, family, friends, and most importantly writing. Its clear its what I love but I’ve been letting myself get so distracted that I can’t stick to it. I get more and more disappointed with myself the longer I go without penning my feelings on some lined paper. I’ve come across so many obstacles as I’m trying to figure out what’s right for me and my writing but the biggest thing I’ve come across has been myself. People always say “write what you know” but what if the only thing you seemingly know is you? I get discouraged from my path because I feel like what I’m writing is less important If I’m only writing about me. Now, I’m no coy school girl trying to find her way quietly through the crowd, I thoroughly enjoy myself and what I have to offer to the world. At the same time though, what makes me anymore interesting than the next young girl? I’ve had many different adventures that have lead me to learn things about myself that could benefit others but they are similar struggles to women who’ve come way before my time. Ive been on a quest to find myself for many years now like most young adults my age. What makes what I’m going through anymore enlightening or inspiring than anybody else’s? I know that honestly, I most likely will never change the world. I know that I may never be a million dollar author with stacks of published books. I don’t even think I care about the fame at all either. I just want to write stories for people to want to listen to. Unfortunately I don’t know how to write about subjects that don’t apply to me. I’m sure if I ever want to get a small following Id have to talk about things that interest people outside of myself, but how can you avoid writing about the one subject you are the most knowledgeable about? How do I make my voice stand out in this ever growing crowd of people like me, just wanting to be heard? Do I lack confidence in my words or diversity in my story?

Clearly, I am still struggling with finding myself.

Maybe its a little bit of both.

What do you think?

My heart sinks everytime that I think of you.
Its like I blinked and now my thoughts are all confused.
As if my songs are all synced to our favorite tunes.
& my movies include all the scenes that we’ve been through.
As if my world aint complete without you there.
Like when I curl up at night in my empty bed,
I remember how we’d talk while you’d play in my hair
& you whisper how another could never compare.
Its really your lingering words that make me suffer,
like how you said we’d always find our way back to each other.
We’d pick up where we left off despite another.
Just like before, best friends and even better lovers.
But now weeks & months have become of days.
And I’m still sitting here tryna compensate.
My emotions leave me hopeless in a distant daze,
cause I know no one could ever come & take your place.
So on my bitter nights I sadly drift into outer space,
I wonder baby do you still feel the same?
Because my heart will always sink when I think of you.
But I wonder does your heart sink the same way too?

I’M BACK LIKE I NEVER LEFT BITCHES =)